Aimée -- my god, the complexities of grief are unending, and we live in a grief-averse society, so it's unnavigable at times. I'm messy in a million ways, but I'm not unworthy or undeserving of love. It's taken me until the last few months to start to believe it. Thank you for reading, I'm glad you found it helpful. I'm going to keep excavating and writing. Sending you much love. ❤️
I don’t know what to say. This made me cry so hard. I lost my best friend to a drunk driver years ago after he dropped me off at home one night. I don’t talk about it, I don’t know how,it’s so damn painful. It has affected me in so many silent ways and maybe it’s time to touch on that a little so I can heal. Thank you for this MJ. ♥️
I love this. All to often I think that shame can allow us to bypass the radical honesty piece, maybe because we're too afraid to look right at what we're dealing with, shame cloaks it. It's only when we are radically honest with ourselves that we can find out way through to radical compassion for ourselves. 💚
I love this too, thank you. I’m just learning how to do it and I have lots of help right now with all of my incredible friends giving me the space to share big things, plus EMDR and talk therapy and conscious grief yoga… I think I’m going to get there, this time. Love you 💙
You are and continue to be the stellar human you have always been. Its an interesting thought - the growing larger to continue to contain All the Things. You (and Nicole) have always inspired and challenged more peeps than you could realize. Even through grief.
Hell - ESPECIALLY through grief. And expectation.
And rage. (I am only recently coming into this one.)
And learning how to dump the shame that is not ours to carry.
And your sister Caroline must have been another of the Stellar constellation that continues to guide you. And thus, us.
Keep going. KEEP WRITING. EXCELSIOR.
Raising some bourbon your direction - with a lot of love and sweary affirmations.
MJ, Nichole and you inspired and sparked creative genius in each others. I’m not just saying that, it has been proven by the Fringe Festival awards for not one but two years of contributions and performances. Both Nichole and Caroline’s love is still there for you. It’s that powerful. Focus on that and the shame will fade. They would be proud of your declaration of working toward a shameless future. I am, too. ❤️
Yeah, that survivor's guilt thing is a thing. I feel ya' on that one.
It's been almost 5 years, sandwiched between two "too soons", surrounded by those in grief, while I'm over here marking time. It's raw, it's conflicting, it's delicate, it's isolating, it's nagging, it's perpetual. It's difficult to remain stagnant, it's difficult to shed. ❤️🩹
Absolutely enraptured. Thank you for writing about real human sh*t, what matters, and what’s possible even after extreme hardship—so proud of you!!!
Thank you so much GG 💙 Sharing our stories is the medicine, I know you know
Yes, you know I know 💕
That was so helpful to read, MJ.
Relatedly, I feel so much shame every time I think about how drunk I got at her memorial in Seattle. Among other things.
I keep learning that grief isn't graceful. I've been judged for grieving my losses. Because I'm messy, I guess.
We don't talk about grief enough.
Aimée -- my god, the complexities of grief are unending, and we live in a grief-averse society, so it's unnavigable at times. I'm messy in a million ways, but I'm not unworthy or undeserving of love. It's taken me until the last few months to start to believe it. Thank you for reading, I'm glad you found it helpful. I'm going to keep excavating and writing. Sending you much love. ❤️
I don’t know what to say. This made me cry so hard. I lost my best friend to a drunk driver years ago after he dropped me off at home one night. I don’t talk about it, I don’t know how,it’s so damn painful. It has affected me in so many silent ways and maybe it’s time to touch on that a little so I can heal. Thank you for this MJ. ♥️
Sometimes there are no words, but we carry the pain with us every day. I’m so sorry 💙 heaps of love to you
Gorgeous and heartbreaking as always. That part about radical honesty with yourself? Everyone needs to hear that. Damn.
Thank you so much. This all feels so new to me. And it feels right. Grateful for you 💙
I needed to read this. “My grief and self medicating is nothing to be ashamed of”. Our trauma survivor brains need time to heal 🖤
trauma is not a visible injury, but it's a massive injury nonetheless. our psyches need so much care and time. much love to you. ❤️
I love this. All to often I think that shame can allow us to bypass the radical honesty piece, maybe because we're too afraid to look right at what we're dealing with, shame cloaks it. It's only when we are radically honest with ourselves that we can find out way through to radical compassion for ourselves. 💚
I love this too, thank you. I’m just learning how to do it and I have lots of help right now with all of my incredible friends giving me the space to share big things, plus EMDR and talk therapy and conscious grief yoga… I think I’m going to get there, this time. Love you 💙
Another wonderful piece
You continue to crack open the mess and craft it into poetry
I love you. Thank you.
You are and continue to be the stellar human you have always been. Its an interesting thought - the growing larger to continue to contain All the Things. You (and Nicole) have always inspired and challenged more peeps than you could realize. Even through grief.
Hell - ESPECIALLY through grief. And expectation.
And rage. (I am only recently coming into this one.)
And learning how to dump the shame that is not ours to carry.
And your sister Caroline must have been another of the Stellar constellation that continues to guide you. And thus, us.
Keep going. KEEP WRITING. EXCELSIOR.
Raising some bourbon your direction - with a lot of love and sweary affirmations.
This made me cry, in a good way. EXCELSIOR. I'm going to keep writing, and swearing. Love to you both. Caroline and Nicole are always around. ❤️ xoxo
MJ, Nichole and you inspired and sparked creative genius in each others. I’m not just saying that, it has been proven by the Fringe Festival awards for not one but two years of contributions and performances. Both Nichole and Caroline’s love is still there for you. It’s that powerful. Focus on that and the shame will fade. They would be proud of your declaration of working toward a shameless future. I am, too. ❤️
Love you so much Grondini! Thank you. ❤️ xoxox
Yeah, that survivor's guilt thing is a thing. I feel ya' on that one.
It's been almost 5 years, sandwiched between two "too soons", surrounded by those in grief, while I'm over here marking time. It's raw, it's conflicting, it's delicate, it's isolating, it's nagging, it's perpetual. It's difficult to remain stagnant, it's difficult to shed. ❤️🩹
sharing our stories is the medicine. I'm so glad to be connected to you on the journey to getting better. ❤️
you're so courageous to pour your guts out so we can all read them. fuck, i am crying so hard. i am so inspired.